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Say I Am.

 Say I Am. 

Ulises Vargas

June 11, 2026.


I’ve lost the life I once lived. 

I’ve died and stayed the same body. 

I’ve escaped who I was 

to become today who I am. 

What even was all that noise?


How’d we end up here? 

I see now that we were all in an episode; 

a shared madness. 

I’ve escaped who I was. 

I’ve escaped who they made me be. 


I am not a criminal,

nor a deviant. 

I am human. 

I am not the things they say I am. 

I am not who my fathers said I am. 

I am not who my authoritarians said I am. 

I am not who my worst lovers say I am. 


Who have I murdered?

How many have I robbed and of how much?

Is it their own thoughts?

Do they invent my crimes?

I am not a criminal, 

nor a deviant. 


I am not who those wrong say I am. 

I know who I am and I am not who they say I am. 

I know who I am and they are fine. 

They are not great; they are not horrible. 

They are fine. 

I know who I am and they are fine. 


I am not a criminal, not insane, not a deviant, a thief. 

I am not who they say I am. 

A sexual sadist, a manipulator, a demon. 

I am not who they say I am. 

Their own worst instincts are projected 

on the inflammatory personality 

which is me. 


In the face of someone so different, 

there is received much resentment

for lacking the same worst instincts 

or the same reservations

where the autistic sees no boundary 

and the worst instincts are projected 

into the actions of the inflammatory.


I am not a deviant, 

but if my words resonate so deeply, 

then there is an issue. 


I am not a sadist, 

unless you are yourself. 

Then there is an issue. 


I know who I am and he is fine. 

I know him. 

I am him. 

I am who I say I am because there is no greater judge  of my character than myself. 

I am who I say I am and I am unapologetic for the pain of the wrong, seeing me live. 

I have killed the person they said I was. And I was never him. 


I have become who I am because I am not who they say I am. 

I have grown in spite of them.

I am not who they say I am.
I am not who they say I am. 

I am who I say I am. 

And I say I am fine. 

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