Do they need me like I need them? Am I alone?
Ulises Vargas
February 24, 2026.
I deserve all that comes my way.
My actions–mine–led me here.
Though, that’s not to say that I deserve it all.
Some of it arose from being complicated
with other people, places, and scenarios.
Maybe I shouldn’t have complicated;
complicated myself with it all.
Then again: where else would I be?
Would it be much better?
Would it be worse?
Would it?
Who knows.
Some regrets come to mind;
though I’m glad to have accidented
and to have overcome.
What I have now is the fruit of me.
And while some others stomp and trample,
good people come to water and prune
the garden of me.
I have severely complicated myself,
and this network is delicate.
The market of my life
is bought and sold;
made and destroyed.
Small moves could tank me;
could leave me weeded and hatcheted.
And, somehow, small moves can make me;
can make destinies of a man.
I hope this plot appreciates me,
and respects my fruit
enough to love and water me.
I hope this network is right for me,
or else I’ve invested in the wrong avenues
and I will decay.
A cornucopia; overflowing in cascades.
But is the fruit sweet?
Was the fruit well-nourished?
The fruit is traded, taken, and eaten.
But will my garden survive,
or will I be ransacked dry?
Am I worthy of their respect?
Am I worthy of their goodwill?
Am I an idiot for being here?
Am I an idiot for where I plotted my garden?
If so, what plot might take me?
And how do I get there?
Would they accept me better?
Would they tend to me better?
Would they like my fruit?
Or is my fruit foul?
Is my fruit rotted?
Is it bitter?
Maybe off-tune?
Would you ever even consider
the possibility of maybe one day
taking another bite of my fruit?
Is my fruit worth treating?
Do you respect me?
Do you like me?
Do you think I’m valuable?
I hate to crumble and beg,
but I need to know
if I’m okay
and if we’re okay
and if we’ll keep being okay.
I can’t do it all on my own.
I can’t be alone.
I can’t survive by myself.
I can’t live in isolation.
Please understand that I try;
and that I don’t mean to displease you.
I want harmony with everyone; everything.
I’m sorry if we ran afoul. I can be a mess.
I’m sorry if I did you wrong.
I’m sorry if I scared you away.
I rot for these sorries.
I stand alone with my sorries.
I stand alone, looking for goodwill.
I stand alone, desperate that it wasn't so.
Am I an idiot?
I’m sorry; I’m a mess.
I’ll leave you alone;
I’m an idiot; sorry.