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Swings of Passivity.

Swings of Passivity.

Ulises Vargas 

November 15, 2025. 


It feels like I constantly need a break 

Or some sort of instant relief 

From the stress of the world and I 


Life goes on, from temporary cure-to-futile escape,

Which, without them, would leave me suffering 

With no window into a world free of woes 


A drink on the weekends, 

Undoes the winding which the week brings

Should I miss the chance to unwind, 

Then no peace of tomorrow may be guaranteed 


Even a droning white noise, 

Or the most settling sunset, 

Or the soft breeze of winds licking me, 

Could calm me so deeply 

In void of any chemical relief 


Quite the social butterfly, 

I stay silent and stare down 

If my system is unimpaired 

By some chemically-induced serenity 


It seems that the only party I can bring

Is the reluctant trudge of showing up;

Going through the motions 


A great day

Is one full of empty pleasures

Such that, the next day, a renewed battery drives me 


Routine robs me of all wonder and excitement,

So I find it in the disillusionment of derealizing things 


The weekend drinks dissolve the usual, timid self 

Enough to embolden me to live on with mediocrity 

Going through the motions, I am not the same person 

As the relaxed, happy, and outgoing figment 

Spawned out of wreckless and vane pursuits


As a static laborer of routine, 

I am misrepresented as lacking ambition and fervor

As the intoxicated, careless, and impulsive, 

I am misrepresented as being fun and happy 

Neither is true 

Neither lasts forever 

Neither makes me fulfilled 

Neither will make it all worth it, in the end 


I can’t love either person

No one should love only one of me, 

Or face grim disappointment 


A star in a cubicle;

A bed-ridden life of the party 


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