Disillusionment.

Disillusionment.

Ulises Vargas

January 26, 2025

I’m lost. 

In my mind, your name is embossed. 

I fear the cost of loneliness, 

The despair and hopelessness. 

Into the abyss, I feel less and less. 

I’m numb, I’m gone. 

I’m not myself, I’m a hollow shell of a clone. 

I wish you’d pick up the phone, 

To hear you one last time. 

Never were you mine. 

I lose sleep, inches deep in my pride. 

Never admitted I was wrong, 

Instead, I wrote you songs to apologize

Every lyric was lies, and you believed it. 

Sometimes, I believed it too. 

That I loved you, or had empathy. 

I used you for myself:

To feel something, a tingle. 

You weren’t different, I was just blind. 

Blinded by our time together. 

I allowed hatred to fester, 

I was trapped and you were my captor. 

Inevitably, I paid the ransom

Of being your punching bag, 

Of putting myself last. 

That’s all in the past now. 

Just a smudge on the glass now.