Side Effects: Emotional Numbness

                                                  Side Effects: Emotional Numbness. 

Ulises Vargas

December 26, 2024. 

It was all drug induced or mental illness.

Never an emotion of my own.

I only know emotion because of drugs.

I only know happiness because Molly introduced me, 

And anger because Addy made me. 

I desire madness, like something matters. 

I crave sadness, like I ever lost something. 

I want to feel bad, like there’s an opposite. 

I got good at masking, as if I feel. 

To the point I almost believed it. 

To the point I thought I could feel it. 

I’ve never loved a friend, a parent, a partner. 

I’ve loved lust like it burns with fire after a bump I admire. 

Nothing other than drugs has my full heart and desire. 

No one but drugs can make me feel shattered. 

Fuck my antipsychotics, my antidepressants. 

I need more chances to go manic. 

More angst to feel depressive. 

Logically, I’m all there. 

Emotionally, there’s no one there. 

Not a care, not a fret, not a worry. 

Not a stress, not a soul to bet against.